Despite Appearances

So Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Plato (Sox), and ConWest ganged up on me today and ahd their way with my prone, suggestible form. They've been doing that a lot recently. A fucking lot.

What with that ever trite 'gloom & doom' shit people are always seeing--no, people, just because things look like they're changing neither means the world is ending or going to hell nor, more importantly, is anything even wrong (or changing at all for that matter).

One of few lines from Breakfast Club Salient across the board is that one the janitor tells principal about how the kids aren't getting worse--he's just gotten older.

But you know the thing. Everyone's always seeing degeneration whereever they go--some crash of the customary morality against the ever surging slave revolt, the ascethic trumping the aesthetic (but at what cost!?!), the breakdown of old ways by science/reason/argument/reality/something, an incurable sickness overwhelming the massess--even our children!!--that's destroying the very fabric of humanity or some bullshit.

And I'd been seriously suspicious, as long I have been in even only some minor respect or another, of Truth. And this of course was no resolution to it. But what to do once one forsake truth? Beauty? Love? But how can anyone know tha'ts solving anything?

And then. Just as I was at my most malaised and terrified, at my most doubtful the world could ever seem right again (again), I remembered my good friend Walt, and his endless leaves of grass, and everything was right again, no matter where fell the shadow, no matter if the world ends not in a bang but a whimper, I'll always have love and beauty and that precious moment, each and every one embraced, if only briefly, if only just, if only fleetingly and once.

And I'm not sure, still, what I want to do, nor where I want to go. But, does any of that matter?

[19:26] Tim: i'm sure you'll figure it out
[19:27] Tim: everyone does eventually
[19:27] Me: eh
[19:27] Me: i'm sure i will
[19:27] Me: it's just....
[19:27] Me: i really want to show some of these amazing people just how amazing they are
[19:27] Me: even how much they mean to me
[19:28] Me: you know....while i can, while they're there, while we're still alive and young enough
[19:29] Tim: thats one way to look at it...
[19:32] Me: mm
[19:32] Me: i fear i really am damned to be a lover first, poet second, and scientist third
[19:34] Tim: emo!
[19:36] Me: but what if it's true?
[19:36] Me: esp if i've neither ascribe myself any primacy nor particular uniquity
[19:37] Me: i mean with those two cardinal emo sins aside....isn't it possible for some people's lives to just be tragic...?
[19:37] Me: granted, mine is hardly meritting of any such investigation, but i've often wondered it about other poets
[19:37] Me: actual poets***
[19:39] Me: sometimes it's best just to ignore me, dearest Tim :D
[19:39] Tim: haha

So I'm a lil wore out but actually feeling up beat; i'm tormenting mani with threats of a blowjob in exchange for returnting my book. It's nice to be carefree again, if only for a moment; i hope i don't...vzzzz him with it. I'm only living these few brief moments I have to live, and to love, the dear.